Saturday, April 12, 2014

My X.

Am I lost? I look at my map to see where I was going.

I have a locket that I hold on to. It's nothing special, I got it for like $10s in Singapore. But it's mostly always been on me and I feel uneasy if I ever forget to take it when my day starts.


Other than the fact that I find the meaning cool, it's got no emotional value attached to it. It wasn't given to me by a special someone, I didn't plan on getting it or anything nor did I win it. It's just a normal piece of metal that's starting to rust now.

But it's still easier to hold onto that than people.

I grew up playing games. Where I am today, has a lot to do with the gamer in me. But looking back, maybe I took it a little too seriously?

All the phases in life, for me, were just that. Phases. Levels. You go through one, overcome obstacles and you move onto a bigger more difficult level. But you don't go back.

You don't go back, you don't look back and you don't interact with the characters from the previous level. You don't have time to think about the hundreds of people you see everyday. They don't directly affect your game. So you ignore them.

And it gets a lot easier when you realize they ignore you for the same reason. Enter, sonder.

Sonder (n) (source)
the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

I dream about a lot of things. I've been looking up for a long time now, staring at the stars. But I want to stop doing that. I want to stop relying on something that's millions of light years away to tell me that I'm normal and that everything's alright. It's ironic how it's the exact opposite of normal.

But it's still easier to talk to them than people.

You grow up realizing how embarrassingly idiotic you were the year before. A lot of people lose themselves while trying to fit in. And when things don't work out, they blame the world for it. That's like the microwave pretending to be a freezer, getting depressed when it couldn't make ice.

One awesome thing about being socially awkward is that you get to observe people. You're not in the spotlight and you get to observe the one who is. You learn a lot. That actually helps you in weird little ways.

I still don't know where I'm going though. There's no 'X' on my map.

The system is fucked. There's no denying that. I don't know about others but being backed up politically and standing up to change the nation after being involved with slaughtering people in the past, doesn't really sound right to me. Probably why I don't want to be a part of it. I haven't figured even out my design, my destination. Participating in a mass-vote to change a country is a whole different story.

I remember when I was in school, we studied the digestive system. It was fascinating to see the journey. Every organ along the way, playing it's part. The whole system breaking down, if even one of them failed. Then there's the pancreas. But I still don't know what exactly it does. I know it's something important but don't remember what. Maybe it's because we were told it's not a part of our syllabus. That's actually a little retarded if you think about it.

The system's fucked.

Funny thing about motion sickness. You won't get it if you're the one driving. So I'm getting off this bus now. I'll find my own ride. I've got a map.

Like my locket, I didn't plan for it to happen. It just did. She pulled up on the side of the road. I got in.

We talked. And drove. For days. Then months. I didn't get sick anymore.

Then I thought about it. I dreamed about looking up at the stars together. It seemed a lot easier. She talks to them as well, so how hard can it be?

Further down the road, it got bumpy. I started to feel sick again. That's when she stopped the car. And I realized the uncool in me, shined brighter than ever.

But then it happened. She walked around the car towards me, opened the passenger door and pushed me to the driver's seat. She sat in the place I was sitting before.

"Drive", she said. And I did.

Where was I headed? I didn't know. I still haven't figured out my map. Am I driving towards a dead end?

I hate waking up early mornings. I love early mornings but I hate waking up for them. I wish there was a way to skip this. Like I'm sleeping and the next thing I know, I'm on a cliff in a cool breeze, watching the sunrise. If only.

I've been remembering a lot of old levels that I played through in the past. I kicked ass and it was awesome so I have no reason to be sad about it. But I am. This wish I have of wanting to replay them is a bit..alien.

The game's getting difficult. But it is what it is. Feels like a century has gone by and I'm just..stuck.

I grew up playing games. But I'm starting to hate it.

And that's when it hit me. Of course.

I woke up. It was early. Early enough to embarrass my alarm clock. The stars were still out. I run to the balcony. But, I don't look up. I look down. She was there, sitting in her car, engines revving, smiling at me.

Funny thing about growing up. You hate what you were a year ago and you're scared and unsure about what you've become now.

But all that doesn't matter when you've finally found your place.

I ran down, pushed her over to the passenger seat and got behind the wheels. No seatbelts.

Forever lying on the dashboard, was a dusty old lighter. It finally had a reason to exist. I made it the most significant lighter in the history of ever and used it to burn my map.

And then I placed my hand on her chest and drew an 'X' on her heart.

And it made perfect sense.

"Drive", she said, still smiling.
I was happy to.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

The 0350 Post.

I know I rarely update this damn blog. I don't even try to. But it's alright because I know why.

I know for a fact that I get all uncomfortable when I realize people actually get to know the things that're in my head. People I don't even know. Kinda idiotic of me to start a blog then right?

Well I guess I didn't think this through enough. Maybe I started because every source of inspiration or role model that I had, owned a blog. So I figured maybe that's the secret. I wanted to live like them; be them. And a blog was the answer. Sharing everything that was in my head, with the world...

...alright so, I clearly did not think this through.

I remember watching an episode of House MD where they show a patient who was obsessed with sharing everything with the whole world, through a blog. She had to undergo a major surgery and had to make a tough decision. Now granted I don't remember the details but I'm pretty sure it would've been important considering you know..life and death.

She wanted advice and instead of confiding in her better half, she turns to her followers. Using a post. Of course.

Would I ever do that?

I listen to songs that have weird names. And I like airports after midnight. It's ethereal. The whole world is sleeping but that place is bursting with energy, oblivious to everything. People going out of the country for the first time.

Picture an individual. Someone who's not used to staying up late. So what his usual night would be, sleeping and stuff, he's catching a flight to a place he's never been before. Almost feels like a dream. I mean, if it were any other night, it would've been. If I were to die and given a chance to come back as a ghost, I'd be at the airport. I wouldn't even haunt it. I'll just be.

So, wait and waltz at the airport terminal?

It's past 0400 hrs already so the title doesn't make sense anymore. Neither does life. Sometimes, not always. I guess.

And also, I like cats now.



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

"Classic Gold"


It's 2013.

Apparently, we survived the end. Or maybe not.

I never really talked about what all I did when 2012 started. I mean I kind of did but that was all sorts of weird.
So continuing the tradition, I won't really talk about this year as well. Despite that glorified excuse, I'll just go on to tell you that it was pretty great.

Every year you think about where you will be in exactly 365 days and it used to be so easy to predict that when we were still young. But not anymore. And that won't change for the next few years I guess.

Am I where I want to be? Yes.

And No.

I've completed four months at work now and things have changed now that I look back. For better or for worse, they have.

Things still haven't slowed down but I'd say they are improving. The wee hours of sleep that made me sleep-deprived a few months back have now become my normal sleep cycle. I don't feel the need to hibernate as soon as I reach home anymore. In other words, I feel awake enough to actually do stuff when I get back, around 8-30/9.

Maybe it's just psychological. Maybe, nothing really changed and I still need more sleep. But the point is, it doesn't really matter. Someone let me know if it does.

It's obvious that I don't feel like writing anymore. It's more like, I don't know what to write.

Ever went to a site to download a movie and then you're presented with so many damn choices that you're like "Ah, I'll just order a pizza instead"?

Or maybe read a book.

Or maybe sleep.

Or maybe do some Math...

..said no one ever.

I'm not even trying to make sense now am I?

Here's some good music.



And if these trees could talk, barren lands of a modern dinosaur?

I'll leave you with my current motto..

Word.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Then and Now.


So I'm working now.

I'm working at a Brand Consulting and Design company called The Brand Bee. I'm the Brand Designer over there and I work with a couple of other designers, a content writer and a brand strategist.

"We brand and design your dreams. And we do it in style."

Like I talked about, my plans were to move out of Delhi. Get a job somewhere else. But since we've already established that life is awesome, I decided to stay here and take up the job.

I started out as a freelance designer there. I took up a project to design their whole identity. From their visual style, logo to their website.

After a lot of research and experimentation, I finalized two concepts and presented them.

And since I started this blog with the hopes of showcasing my work but ended up talking about my life and other pointless things more, I'll share some of my work-in-progress and initial designs. Some of the concepts were rejected and some were developed further and became a part of their brand identity.

Concept 2, Options along with the color scheme

Concept Digital Collaterals


Business Collaterals concept 2; was rejected due to being too colorful

Webdesign preview
Now I'm their Brand Designer and provide creative brand and design solutions for various clients.

You can check out their facebook page right here. Or follow them on twitter here.
Also check out their website which I designed and was coded and completed by this awesome guy right here. The site wouldn't be complete without his work.

Keep an eye out on the company's facebook page for updates and behind-the-scenes of various projects and stuff. Don't worry it'll be interesting. I'll be sure to include some youtube cat videos so now you have no reason to miss out on it.

So my work life. I just said work life. Professional life. However I word it, it's not gonna change the fact that I'm still not used to saying that. Things changed so much in the past couple of months and I couldn't control any of them. If I time travel and go back two months and meet my past self and tell him how things'll be, he's gonna lose his shit.

And that's despite the fact that I always wanted to meet my future self and have been secretly preparing for it my entire life.

Who knew I'd be working 9-10 hours a day, 6 days a week? And then work some more after getting back home to make sure projects don't add-up the next day?

Who knew I'd be coming up with 4 identity concepts in 2 days for clients? Not to mention that's just one of three to four simultaneous projects that I work on. Is this how the design industry operates? Almost all clients who approach us with work wanted it done yesterday. It always happens.

Us - Ok this all seems cool. So when do you need everything done? A deadline maybe?
Client - Um..yeah, we're on a tight schedule and we kinda wanted it done last week itself.
Us - Ok cool, we'll just whip out our time machine. Extra charges for that btw.

Now I get it that the clients may need everything done urgently, but still, my productivity and creativity'll take a serious hit if I continuously work on stuff.

I'm not complaining. Instead, I'm trying to make sense of things. I'm working. I'm working, hoping to meet deadlines all while trying to catch up with life. Things are moving at a blurring speed and I just want it all to slow down, just for a few hours.

My mum asked me after a couple of days of my new job. She asked me if I was happy. That if I had made the right decision. I told her yes I was.

But honestly, I didn't know. I swear to god, I didn't know. Not that I hate my job or anything but I really don't know. I'm working, gaining experience and I have a good time with the people I met at work.

The people I met at work. They're not what I expected. And that's a good thing.


I'm adjusting to the this new life and trying to make time for myself.

Time. Fuck, that's all it's all about isn't it?

But what do I feel towards all this? What do I think of this new life? I'm numb. No matter how much I try to think, I just don't know how I feel. Hell I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel. I just can't seem to put a finger on it. And I'm not even gonna make a that-what-she-said joke right now.

So yeah, I don't know.

It's hard to explain without coming off as a cheap attention-whore.

But what I do know for sure? I still freakin' love Dexter. Season 7's premiere was all that I expected and more. It didn't disappoint. Now I'll look forward to Mondays.

Sounds increasingly cheezy but it feels good to know somethings never change. At least for now.

"Are you....a serial killer?" "Yes."
Pure epic.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Tides

Since it's pretty much a tradition now to start out by saying how long I haven't posted for, I'll just get that out of the way.

4 Months.

And yes, I'm still alive and kicking.

College is over. I graduated. And now I'm standing on the precipice of the next stage. It doesn't matter if I'm ready or not. I have to jump in. I mean I have to at some point right? Figured now is as good a time as ever.

A lot can happen in four months. Hell, a lot did happen in the last four months. 120 days. One-third of a year. I'd say that's more than enough time for things to happen.

You've dreamed before right? About what you'll be doing. About what you want to do. So did I. My plan from the start was to say goodbye to Delhi at the first chance I got and just get the hell out. Start over. Start anew. Totally independent. Totally free.


So I got a few good offers in Delhi itself. I hadn't started applying to places outside of Delhi as I was kinda pre-occupied with a freelance project I had taken up. But I already had decided to leave. I was so focused and excited to start my own journey. But I guess I wasn't being practical enough. Wasn't thinking clearly. Then after a bit of introspection, I had to decide. I had to weigh in a lot of factors and decide if I wanted to stay here or ignore everything and do what I wanted.

So I did what every sane person should do. I created a huge deal out of this and made the decision. Of course the whole thing had to seem dramatic as well. Knowing me, how could it not?


I'm staying. In Delhi. I'll be working with a pretty cool, up & coming brand consulting and design company. Their website will be up sometime next week so I'll talk in detail about them then.
I'll be working with a team of other designers and I'm really looking forward to that.

It's gonna be a proper work environment. And I've to wear formals. Take it from a guy who's worn trousers for just 2 days of his life, it's pretty nerve-racking. Even intimidating, I'd say. But it should be fun.

I'll be stepping out of my comfort zone, in a persona I'm not used to and will have to coordinate and work with a team to tackle different design projects for different companies.


So yeah, I'm putting off my plan to move out for now. And I think hope I made the right call. I'll be staying back in Delhi. Work in a cool company, gain some experience.


But I'm not gonna regret my decision, that's for sure.
And I'm gonna say bring it on.


You don't always get what you want. Life's not always what you want it to be. People say everything happens for a reason. I call bullshit on that. While it's true to some extent, it's pretty much the worst excuse a person could give. It's something that's said to ease things. To make someone feel better. Destiny? Everything in my life already predetermined? Just the very thought of that freaks me out.

As soon as I finished college, I went to Chennai for a month. Stayed there as long as possible, came back a day before my graduation show. Speaking of predetermined things, I had my palm read. I was at the beach when this old lady walks up to me and asks me if I wanted to know my future. I was more interested in finding out how she's gonna do that rather that what she was gonna say.

The first thing she told me was that I was not the type to listen to anyone. That, I usually do what I wanted. Fine, she deduced that from my weird (read, bad) hairdo and my tattoo. Not impressed lady.

Then she said a lot of other things which weren't really true but two things she said were interesting. She said something important would happen before the end of the ninth month. That I'll get what I always wanted.

Second, she told me that 'the one' for me was right in front of my eyes and I just needed to really look. Now I don't know if she's a fan of super cheezy stuff crust romcoms or she said it just for the hell of it.

Or maybe she meant it literally and was talking about herself.

Nevertheless, it was clever of her to say that. You know where I'm going with this right? Inception.

It's interesting how people work. It's interesting how a person chooses to present himself differently in different situations. It's interesting how some people live for others. It's interesting how much or how little they change. It's interesting to see others sacrifice so much while you're scared and selfish. It's interesting how some people are just irresistible while some repulse the hell outta you. It's interesting how nights seem longer than usual somehow.

And it's interesting how someone can hold on to something they never had in the first place.


Monday, April 23, 2012

It's time for a change.

Remember when I started out with Koncept33? I made this little album on my facebook, this one here. That was two years ago.

Good times

And in those two years, I've been through two website redesigns, got featured in one of those web-designs-of-the-week thingy and designed LOTS of stuff under K33.

And a year ago, I decided to start this blog. My first post was a stupid one about which platform I should blog on. Tumblr or Blogger. I chose to do it here because of comments. Blogger supported comments while Tumblr, by default, did not. I later found out that Disqus could easily give me a solution to that problem, but I decided to stick around here because I had already gained a few readers and a steady daily view count.

Damn, just realized it's been more than a year since I started this thing. I can't believe I stuck around to keep this thing going. Thank you followers and all the people on K33's fb page!

You've probably heard me say I'm in my final semester like a thousand times already. While that is true, it also means I'll be done with college by June end, provided I don't mess up my current semester. Then comes the next big stage. And for that I've decided that I'll be redesigning my whole design identity which will showcase my newer, more mature work. It'll also feature my final studio project, which I'm currently working on.

With this new design identity, there will be no use of the old one. So I guess this is like a goodbye to Koncept 33 Designs.

I'll be taking down the website the day I finish college.

Even though it'll be the end of the design part, Koncept 33 will take up the role of my personal blog where I'll talk about daily shenanigans, stuff, my life, some more stuff and of course, Yvonne Strahovski. Oh and did I mention that will be on Tumblr? It's goodbye blogspot. Sad I know.

It's funny because I'm making this whole thing seem so much more dramatic than it actually is. But before you say that, go create a website or a blog or pretty much anything you love. If you're into fashion design, create a dress. If you're a product design student, create a model of something. Or if you're an engineer....well I'm sorry for you.

Whatever you create, keep it around and share it with the world for two years. You'd grow attached to it too because it was something you made. A direct result of your passion for the field.

Anyway, that's about it I guess. I came up with a concept and I'm happy it's evolving into something else. And satisfied that it entertained a few people along the way, especially when it came to my embarrassing stuff.

Oh and I'll be talking about my final studio project in the next few days because I actually need your help with it so stick around.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Minicon & The Tournament

I've been procrastinating a lot lately. My semester got over last week and my last three months of college begin from the first week of April. Of course I'm excited and freaking out at the same time and even though I've decided not to, I probably will post about the past 3 years of my college life. Pretty cliché'd I know but still. All that later though.

A lot is going down at my place right now. And it doesn't help that I'm in the middle of some projects.

I'm being forced to strip my room off awesomeness. When your family decides to whitewash the entire house, you can't really do anything about it. The most I got outta them was that they decided to do my room last. That still gives me like a couple of more days. I'm gonna miss my comfort zone, my happy place. But more on that later.

Seriously, how can I take that down?


Before I talk about other stuff, I really have to get this outta the way first. I have to because even though I'm feeling lazy right now, my stupid OCD-blogmind is forcing me to talk about this.

Minicon. And the tournament.

Comic Addict's second annual Minicon was held in Delhi. The venue was pretty close to my place. But that is not the reason I went. There were gonna be cosplayers and events (just like at Comic-Con). And again, that is also not the main reason I attended.

It was because they were also hosting a Street Fighter X Tekken debut tournament. And I wouldn't miss it for the world.

The Event
The whole thing was pretty awesome. Saw some cool cosplayers, my favorites being The Great Saiyaman and Logan. I didn't get a chance to take any pictures but you guys can check out what went down on Comic Addict's official facebook page. They've got tons of pictures on there.

Close enough... right?


Awesome comic book artists and illustrators were also invited who gave a live demonstration of their insane talents. Like Abhishek Malsuni. If you ask me to explain his art-style, I'd say it's pretty exotic. Be sure to check out his work.

Damn


There was also a band playing. It was a pretty chilled-out experience.

Moving on, the tournament.
Federation of Gamers sponsored the tournament and being a fighting-game fan, I had already made it a point to enter. The thing is, the game, Street Fighter X Tekken ('x' is pronounced as 'cross') was released just like a week ago and I hadn't played it. I went to F.O.G a day before the tournament and tried it out, you know just to see how it plays.

If you've played games before, you'd have heard of Street Fighter. And if you've ever visited an arcade in India before, you'd know Tekken. And what do you get when you crossover both worlds? Awesomeness, that's what.

Even if you don't recognize any of the characters, it doesn't get any less epic


The tournament was based on single-elimination, best of three rounds and the names of the participants were picked out randomly for the matches. The fundamentals of the game are based around a tag-team system.

You pick up two characters and face-off against your opponent's team. Coming from a Street Fighter background, I'm not that familiar with the Tekken cast. Still I used to main King when I used to play it years ago. So I picked up Guile and King.

Guile (left) & King (right)


After my first match, I realized I knew jack shit when it came to King so I ditched him for Ibuki. Why? Because Ibuki has a special place in my heart. If you think a teenage female ninja couldn't kick ass, you'd be sooo wrong.

Yep, in my heart. Credits


Anyway, most of the players there were playing the game for the first time. So I didn't have anything to worry about. Until this one guy came forward.


Darkniks. Of course thats what he goes by on the interwebs but damn did that guy know what he was doing. He owned his opponents. And because awesome things happen to me, while setting up brackets for all the qualifiers, our names came up together which meant I had to face him next. The match was intense and awesome. And of course, it was recorded. It was my Guile & Ibuki against Darkniks' Akuma & Kazuya.

I'll just let you watch it. The video is shaky because the guy recording it was an idiot but its better than nothing. Oh and I'd like to thank him and that other really enthusiastic guy for the commentary =)

As expected, that guy OWNS me in the first round. Seriously, I couldn't do anything. I was that nervous. But the second round. Goddamn.

I finally got in, landed an insane team-move which also happens to be the most powerful raw move, called a cross-art which was a massive ego-boost btw and defeated him. The final round was intense and close and I lost. He was obviously the better player and still, I was so pumped up by the end of it that I didn't realize what was going on around me. It was pretty awesome.

Anyway, enough talk. Here's the match. Focus on the sound and commentary. It's amusing.


0:35 to 1:17 - The first round. I get owned.
1:59 - Darkniks tags in Kazuya.
2:06 to 2:28 - The commentators start talking about playing Street Fighter 3 on pc and forget that they're recording. And I tag in Ibuki.
2:29 - The best part of the match. I land a cross-art. Felt epic.
2:52 - I win the second round.
From 2:54 - I get my ass handed back to me.

Now, 10 days later, after getting used to the game, I can say that that match was nothing special. I didn't execute combos or hell I didn't even properly tag in my partner. I didn't know what I was doing. It was actually nothing compared to matches by top players. But still, playing something you love in front of a crowd who're cheering for you and against a good opponent is an experience in itself. Good game, Darkniks.

I do own the game now and I have learned a few things and if anyone wants just chill out and play with me, add me on PSN. Id - Orion991.

And now that I've finally blogged about this, I can ask my obsessed-anal-compulsive mind to shut the hell up.